At the start of the Johnny Depp -vs- The Sun trial in 2020, Depp’s childhood friend Isaac Baruch, who witnessed Johnny’s tumultuous marriage to Amber Heard, testified in the high court on Johnny’s behalf. Baruch said, “Amber’s facial bruises were “phony baloney. She had filed a fraudulent domestic violence claim to push her hand and extort and blackmail him in the divorce. I saw her from ’12 inches away’ the next day and her skin was clear. I didn’t see a single bruise, redness, mark, or the red tinted cellphone imprint that was advertised in [magazines]. Nothing. Not anything.”

The Sun’s lawyer Sasha Wass cast Baruch as an unreliable witness who depended on Depp for his livelihood. She noted that Depp gave him free accommodations and tens of thousands of dollars a year in living expenses. Wass also asked Baruch how he could be so sure Heard was not covering up her bruises with makeup. Baruch said he was “100 percent sure” because he saw Heard four more times over the next three days. “I saw no marks of any kind on either side of the face,” he said.

Johnny Depp’s longtime pal Baruch, who as of yesterday has now told two courts he is 100% sure Amber’s bruises were faked with makeup but who also told the court Amber Heard never wore makeup, was the same guy who was 100% sure he was the father of actor Sean Astin.

The only proof the self proclaimed expert in the essence of facial bruising and women’s cosmetics had that he was Astin’s father wasn’t based on the science, but rather on a his slight resemblance to the Stranger Things actor in younger days.

Maybe he was joking. Or maybe he’s been joking in two courtroom. We can’t be sure.

For more than four decades the former Pirates’ star witness Isaac Baruch boastfully and shamelessly has admitted he still can’t wipe his own rear-end without Johnny’s helping hand. If the former Jack Sparrow is counting on that quintessential moocher to be his lifeline in the current trial, all I can say is, “Arrr!!! Best ye scuttle the ship me matey cause she’s bound to sink!”

In 1980, Isaac Baruch was a struggling songwriter and guitarist with dreams of becoming a rock star. He founded the Miami punk band The Reactions, but the band’s fate ended up becoming just a little more than a nostalgic footnote in the history of punk.

Like Mr. Depp, Baruch has several failed marriages himself for alleged reasons The Geek Buzz can’t disclose. (1.)

On or about Dec 1986 Isaac Baruch was arrested by the Los Angeles Sherriff’s Department for unlawful possession of a controlled substance. The bygone criminal court case documents buried in Los Angeles court archives also disclose Baruch was represented by criminal lawyer, Gerson Horn. The documents also show his bail was $2,500 and posted by William Shire, believed to be Johnny’s friend and confidant, William ‘Billy’ Shire, owner of the La Luz De Jesus Gallery.

Just weeks after Johnny and Amber tied the knot, Johnny took center stage at Shire’s gallery to celebrate his friend, tattoo artist and author Jonathan Shaw’s Narcisa –an epic about love sex and drugs, embodied in two people whose irresistible passions threaten to destroy them. Sound familiar?

It is significant to note that in 1986, the same year Baruch was arrested on drug possession charges, the US Justice Department started a ‘Payola’ probe. The federal investigation led to the arrest and conviction of three prominent figures in the music industry. One of the three, Jeffrey Monka, was defended by Baruch’s criminal lawyer, Gerson Horn.

In 1993, Johnny kept his pitiful pal Isaac Baruch afloat by giving him a job at the Viperoom. Though he testified Wednesday he was the club’s office manager, sources contend he was merely a barback. Mr. Depp later funded his art gallery, paid his medical bills, and gave him a posh penthouse apartment to live in rent-free. Today, Baruch is still mooching off Johnny and counts on him for support. He calls himself an artist, but the canvases he displays on his Facebook page might not be to many people’s taste.

Yesterday’s bombshell came from a text Mr. Depp sent to Baruch that he reluctantly confirmed was from the actor: “I hope Amber’s rotting corpse is decomposing in the fucking trunk of a Honda Civic.”